Dear Future Husband,
Hello. My name is Priscilla, but I guess you already know that. I never dreamt of meeting you or coming to this day to write this but I just want to let you know that I’m thankful. Of course, I have always dreamed of walking down the aisle in that white wedding dress – every girl has – but one day, reality didn’t hit me until I met you.
Thank you for putting up with the monthly mood swings that is period, you’ve experienced the worst side of me and yet you’re still here. Every nasty word, every selfish doing and every silent treatment didn’t mean to cause you harm, I probably didn’t mean it at the time and I don’t mean it now. It was never my intention to hurt you. I’ve left you frustrated, angry, worried, disappointed and all the negative feelings you’ve felt because of me resulted in arguments and confrontations – I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m the most unpredictable girl you’ve ever met in your life; my emotions are the worst ride you’ll ever be in. Thank you for still being here and there for me, especially when you didn’t understand why or how I was feeling the way I felt. Sorry that I couldn’t explain the reason why I went through all those emotions; the burden was too heavy to bear so you carried it with me.
I’m not the girl you’ve dreamed of or wished for. I’m nothing like her. I’m not her. The girl you want and need is not even a girl but a woman. A woman of integrity, kindness, grace, beauty, humility, purity. A woman who’s willing to give all of herself to you and never speak or do something that will hurt you. She carries and looks after herself well, is respected by everyone she meets and is deeply loved by her close ones. She’s the sort of person who excels in her studies and knows where to focus, not letting any distractions get in her way. She knows what she wants and she’ll get it, in the most selfless and loving way possible. You’ll never get in an argument with her because she’s patient and speaks kind words. She’s always there by your side and is never ashamed of her past – there’s nothing that she’s ashamed of.
Now we all know I’m not perfect but I wish I could be more like the woman described above. I don’t have the perfect past, I don’t always say the right things and I’m consistently selfish. My academics fall way below the expected line and I don’t really know if I’ll succeed. And I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry that you even met me, otherwise we wouldn’t be in this mess. But I guess God has brought us together for some reason. I’m still to find out what that reason is. I hope that I’ll be a changed woman by the time you read this, not because I want to be perfect but because I’m the most imperfect human being whose only hope is in God. And it is only by God’s grace can I be changed for good, to walk in his likeness and be more like him.
I guess we’re both here because of love, grace and faith. And I wouldn’t change a thing about you, except maybe those little pet peeves we’ve talked about. I thank God for the opportunity to breathe every day, wake up next to you and look forward to the things we’ll do together. To start every day knowing that I’ll spend the rest of my life with my second love, growing to live for and love our First Love.
With all my heart,
Featured image shot by Sonia Levesque, make-up by Aina McCallum at Southend-on-Sea